Today...

Today I woke up early after a long, anxious night. A pretty average morning in that kids had to be dressed, fed and ushered onto the bus for school, and the obligatory Bund posts had to be made. Coffee drunk, gurts smoked, dog relieved... it was a typical start to any one of hundreds of my "days".

But tonight...

Tonight, I put my son to bed for the very first time.

I don't love the child any more than I did this morning, and I don't love the other two children any less... but I can't say that I don't feel differently, either. Not about them... but about me. Tonight, I am putting to bed a child that I will be responsible for, in one way or another, for the rest of my life. He is my son, and it is impossible not to think of that as I kiss him goodnight in his bed, all wrapped up in his jammas and blankets and half-a-dozen pillows.

The adoption will take at least 45 days to complete, but the Court has said I am responsible for the child. The rest is simply paperwork. I feel I was always responsible for Jacob, but now that it is official, putting that boy to bed will never be quite the same again.