Trauma versus Drama

I haven't had the dreams in a while... but I've definitely had them since I've been here in PA.

No, my "trigger" isn't the sound of rain, or wind... but I did discover one just a few weeks ago. It was while I was giving a "tour" at the casino (not what you think... but too complicated to explain) and happened to be walking back from one side of the facility to the other outside. I was going past the area where the dumpsters and compactors are, and caught a whiff of the trash...

And I was INSTANTLY back to that first week after the storm, sitting on a folding lawn chair under the fantail of the Grand Casino barge in the 95 degree heat at 3 AM... smelling the most sickly-sweet odor of decay and rot that one can imagine for 12 hours at a stretch. Jude yacking and gagging next to me while he tried to eat a cold MRE. Dead silence... no bugs, no birds, just the odd siren (rare, because there wasn't anyone near that end of town) and the occasional heave from Jude... and never-ending stench.

It was AMAZING how clearly I saw all this in my head, just because I caught a whiff of old shrimp in one of the dumpsters... it staggered me! Stopped me in my tracks, literally! I could remember everything... how badly I wanted a shower, but couldn't take one... the smell, feel and taste of Purell hand sanitizer, because it was easier to "bathe" with that than it was with the all-too-precious water we had to walk to get everyday... how much it meant to find a pack of M&Ms in your MRE (or a GIANT Tootsie Roll!)... and how tired I was of "jalapeno cheese spread" as the treat-of-choice in my MREs.

THAT little trip to the dumpster, and the subsequent trip down "memory lane"... that flashed me back.

Whew.