Can anyone tell me why Qadaffi hasn't promoted himself?

I mean, what's the point of being a supreme dictator if you can't move yourself up from the rank of colonel?

Personally, I think it's so he can tell family members "no" when they ask for a job: "Look, I haven't even promoted myself to general, how can I make you one?"

At any rate, I have to make official amends. For some time (years in fact) I've poked fun at my Bund brethren for their obsession with sports. I often quipped that they couldn't start their day without knowing what athlete put what ball through what apparatus the night before. And while I'm still loathe to join fantasy leagues that do not include Carmen Electra (by the way, Carm baby, call me) I must say that my sons are disciples of ESPN and all things sport. In particular the NFL and NBA. Combined with that and my coaching their various school football and basketball teams (to respectable championships/appearances I might add), we are now a household with up to the minute info. This is a huge change for me. It wasn't long ago that were you to ask me about "Chicago's O-line" I would have assumed you were inquiring as to the net worth of Ms. Winfrey.

All that's changed now. And although I don't boast to knowing everybody and each detail, I do start my morning not with Fox News, nor Laura Ingraham, but Sports Nation, or Mike & Mike (depending on the hour I rise). The kids, although they'll indulge my political rants and history lessons, really light up when I get into the latest scores, trades, rule changes etc. So, I gotta stay informed brother.

Now hold that thought...

Some weeks ago I size into my $15 pitch game with the same enthusiasm any dice dealer would. Soon a gent sits down and asks if I can raise the minimum to $200. "Sure" I said. At my joint this happens all the time, and we are instructed to immediately comply. A quick head nod to the floor later, and I switch the sign. In comes this young guy $5k, cash. So we're clipping along at 2-$500 a hand and I start to chat. Now let me pause and remind you of my disdain for our shared business - I loathe it, and am diligently maneuvering a way out. And because of this I tend to steer the conversation towards subjects I like, to make my "time in" more bearable (like an inmate whom gets his law degree on the inside).

I start in - "So... you watch Band of Brothers?" Now bare in mind, a young guy, with long hair, a big watch, cash, I'm not expecting a good answer. And to be honest, I'm secretly asking so that when he asks me "what's that?", I can judge him and tuck him neatly into the "punk file" of my brain (a thick folder I might add). But he says, "I own every disc." Now we're off.

For an hour we discuss old war movies, the disturbing direction the nation is heading in, our shared disdain for "reality" TV (which is anything but). He's married, 2 kids, and in fact he was gambling at that late hour because he was waiting for them to go to bed before he attended the tables. And as I said, 28, 29-ish years old, a good guy.

And here's something - he kept pulling his sleeve over the rather gaudy watch he was wearing. And I noticed the bead necklace around his neck and bracelet on the opposite hand were made of wood. The watch just didn't fit. So I pipe up, "Don't take offense to this, but you don't seem the type of guy who needs that ostentatious watch, why are you wearing it?" Now not only did he know what ostentatious meant, he was relieved. Considered it a compliment that he didn't come off as "that type" of guy. And as it turns out, his wife bought it for him. He promised her to wear it in Vegas because he refused to at home. As he said, "I eat at a lot of blue collar cafes, and I don't want to be that guy."

Moving on, it turns out he has repeatedly considered joining the military, the reserves. Now knowing he must make a handsome living, I found that rather admirable. In fact, twice he was set to do it but his wife threw a fit. She was terrified he'd lose his job, or worse. And I get that. But I made a point to tell him that by law your employer has to hold your job if you're a reservist and you're called up or have scheduled training.

"Not my job." That was his answer.

Now, I'm a savvy enough dealer not to flat disagree with a player, so I go the end round.

"Where you from?" (we never got that far, we were busy with Flying Leathernecks).

"D.C", he says, "But I live in Cleavland."

"You move there for work?" (you like my end run into establishing a conversation about how his employer must allow him leave time?)

"Ya."

"Well, what do you do?" I ask.

"I play kick return and wide receiver for the Cleavland Browns."

Now I was ready to take a lot of answers seriously, but not that one. I laugh (not sure if he's pulling my leg), and ask jokingly, "You any good?" "Pretty good", he replies. So on break I go down and Google the name I saw on his "Total Rewards" player's card. It turns out that Joshua Cribbs, #16 for the Browns, is a 2 time pro bowler, and as an analyst for ESPN.com put it, "One of the most dangerous punt returners in the history of the game", at 20+ yards per return. And apparently, with LeBron gone, he has become "the" man in Cleavland.

I came back up, told him how modest he was, and he laughed. I then asked him to sign an autograph for my kids. He insisted, insisted now, on two pieces of paper so they could each have their own. And for my elder boy's birthday I framed it with a trading card of Cribbs above it (one for each of them). Particularly cool given there sat their name, "To ..." for all their friends to see at the party. Both frames hang on their wall as I write this.

Now reenter my waking up to ESPN, this morning. And there is Cribbs, on the phone, pissed to beat hell. Apparently the NFL owners, in all their wisdom, have chosen to alter the kick off. Now it will be from the 35 instead of the 30. And the coverage players on the kick off team may no longer get a 10 to 15 yard running start. They have to remain within 5 yards of the ball at the time of the kick. It's ludicrous, this is FOOTBALL. And as Cribbs put it, "It's BS to think this will enhance safety." He pointed out that at that level you only need 5 yards to build up a head of steam that can hurt somebody - and he's right. And he has good reason to be mad beyond that. That 5 yard adjustment means a lot more touch backs. And as Josh added, "People don't pay money to see the ball spotted."

But that's not all - in addition to the 3 red challenges the coaches get (which I also loathe), EVERY touchdown will now be reviewed by the booth to ensure its' legitimacy. Asinine. They're slowing the game to a halt. And why? Well, the longer the game, the more advertising you sell, TV timeouts being especially numerous during lengthy "reviews." And hey, I'm a capitalist of the first order. But there's a Laffer curve to everything, and this is damaging the crisp pace of the game (if you ask me). Add in the heavy fines for questionable helmet to helmet hits this past season (questionable in their status as a true penalty), and you can see why the Rugby guys make fun. As I said, this is football. If I wanted to watch an excruciatingly slow game with near zero scoring I'd watch soccer.

Of course, I'd be inclined to agree with Cribbs here no matter what - the man loved "The Longest Day", so I'm sold.

And by the way. Cribb's parents? They're Marines. Both of them... which explains a whole helluva lot.