On Facebook...

We are seeing more drama develop here at the Chateau de Lieteau-Foster over our teenager's Facebook accounts.

I won't dignify the issue with details. Suffice to say that there are just as many parents getting wrapped up in the drama as there are teenagers (and I'm not hinting at Liz here, either... shockingly enough... she is being very mature about the whole thing and NOT getting actively involved).

Is Facebook something we should deny kids? Teenagers, I mean? We didn't have anything like it when I was a teen... but the drama was there, all the same. The means of communicating that drama was simply different. We passed hand-written notes between seats in class, or whispered secrets to each other in study hall... so no one should doubt the fact that the gossip machine has always been fully-functional in a high school setting, even as long ago as the early 1980's.

Although the dynamic has changed, is the result any different? One plus to Facebook that I can't seem to deny is the ability of parents (such as myself) to monitor the situation via Facebook itself. To the best of my knowledge, my parents never had an opportunity to read a note written by me or passed to me at school... so they weren't privy to "drama" of that sort at all. On the flip side, we see far too many parents (here, anyway) actively involved in the drama of their high school children, all through the miracle of Facebook. What does that show a teenager? That it is appropriate and "okay" for adults and parents to interject and participate in gossip and sycophantic praise for each and every action/thought/emotion that their children choose to share on Facebook?

Couple that with the flat-out inappropriate comments and thoughts that are routinely posted by even the most mundane of parents and family and friends on anyone's list, and I begin to wonder if allowing the kids that kind of unfettered access to other people's thoughts and comments is such a good thing after all.

Mind you, I'm not saying I have fears or doubts about our kids. I feel very confident that the failings and weaknesses of our children do not include outright lying, and while they may not be as forward and open as I could ideally hope, when asked outright questions, they will respond (eventually) with an honest answer. I am confident that they have a good understanding of "Right and Wrong", but still lack the personal developmental experiences needed to apply the Right and Wrong knowledge to every facet of their lives that might need it. These are good kids, and they make good choices (for the most part), but with mistakes already made and many, many more on the horizon still to be made, I wonder how much of a help/hindrance Facebook is in this equation.

Then, I am forced to ask the question... what if I DO deny them the Facebook access? They will still find a way to participate in their dramatic passion-plays, because it is a real and necessary part of their developmental process. In acting out all the drama, we all learn what is and isn't appropriate behavior as we move into adulthood, and if we don't learn this, we are doomed to live juvenile and unfulfilled lives. Is it better to maintain the means to monitor their "drama" as a lurking parent as I scan their Facebook posts than it is to prevent them from experiencing the drama for themselves through Facebook? I think they will have the drama anyway (as I said, it is part of the teenage experience, isn't it?), so is it better to know what is happening than it is to allow access to this particularly distasteful drama at all (meaning Facebook itself)?

I know that at least 50% of the Bund are "infrequent" Facebook users, at best... and none of us seem to be "junkies" like so many of our friends and family are... but if any of you have thoughts or opinions on this sort of "drama", I'd love to hear them.